#my favorite small little guy being equally fucked up in the head

[astersghost]

Hey um hey uh hey mr. Liam O'Brien uh ow uh ouch

[wonryllis]

my world in my arms ⋅ CUDDLING WITH ENHYPEN!

╰ 𝖠𝖫𝖳𝖤𝖱𝖭𝖠𝖳𝖨𝖵𝖤𝖫𝖸, 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖾𝗆𝖻𝗋𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀.

THE ATELIER. enhypen in their comfort place, word count 890 requested by anon, CONTAINS— fluff, suggestive in jake's part, fem!reader. unedited. ( ARCHIVE? ) pls reblog!!

𝗟𝗘𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗨𝗡𝗚

he loves the feel of you in his arms so much, he's quite literally glued to you whenever possible. arms always wrapped around you. you feel warm and you feel home to heeseung. it's like all his worries disappear when he holds you, sometimes when he's too stressed out of his mind, his first instinct is to find you.

to him just being able to have you in his arms is the best thing ever. he doesn't give a fuck about how, he just has to hold you, body against body that's it. sometimes he'll nuzzle into you and fall asleep in minutes, sometimes he'll sing you soft songs, and sometimes he'd straight up leave kisses after kisses all over your exposed skin and lips.

𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗝𝗢𝗡𝗚𝗦𝗘𝗢𝗡𝗚

your wish is my command guy number one. his precious baby is his safe haven and he loves just going in for a cuddle anytime you ask or anytime it looks like you want it. he knows you more than you know yourself, always giving you the princess treatment without you having to utter a single word.

he alternates between big and small spoon, equally loving having your hands wrapped around him from the back to having your face nuzzled into his chest. his favorite though would be when he's gaming on the couch and you come over all drowsy and cute and climb into his lap, looping your arms around his waist or neck and falling right back to sleep there.

𝗦𝗜𝗠 𝗝𝗔𝗘𝗬𝗨𝗡

he is open to cuddling all the damn time, on his off days he makes sure to spend at least half the day snuggling with you either on the bed or anywhere in the house. and even on his busiest days he definitely squeezes in the time to have a cuddle session where you both talk about anything and everything.

most of time jake likes to cuddle face to face, he wants to be able to see you, see all the little expressions you do when you speak of different things. look into your eyes, trace your lips, carress your cheeks. and on some days the hands on your waist run around places not so innocent, trying to sneak in a lazy makeout session and maybe even further.

𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗦𝗨𝗡𝗚𝗛𝗢𝗢𝗡

his day is not complete without a cuddle with you. it's an essential part of his routine and he absolutely needs it everyday. when he's away from you for any reason, he facetimes you at least twice a day. sometimes even just facetiming to fall asleep with you on call, so tired but wanting to feel you near him,

usually sunghoon likes to be the big spoon, to engulf you in his arms as if he's protecting you from monsters under the bed. oftentimes, he would have one arm under your head as a pillow and the other over you as he holds his phone to show you pictures from his trips or daily life. telling about the stories behind the clicks and telling you how much he missed you there.

𝗞𝗜𝗠 𝗦𝗘𝗢𝗡𝗪𝗢𝗢

two words: free use. y'all jump on each other for cuddles whenever you feel like it even if it's just for a few minutes. sunoo just loves to come home to cuddle and take naps with you. he loves being your personal pillow, rubbing your back and playing with your hair. the apple of his eyes curled up with him. bestest thing.

when he's had a long day, he likes to cuddle facing you telling you about his day and then later change into the small spoon to fall asleep and having a wishful belief that you'll dream of each other. especially on rainy days, he loves putting on your favorite show and cuddling on the couch oftentimes ending up napping halfway through.

𝗬𝗔𝗡𝗚 𝗝𝗨𝗡𝗚𝗪𝗢𝗡

he's ready to cuddle whenever you want. he may not ask for cuddles a lot but he's down for it whenever you wish for it. your wish is my command guy number two. always the happiest when he has you wrapped in his arms, so many smiles and giggles from him like he's in literal heaven, a perfect paradise.

jungwon prefers to be able to see you too, but honestly this guy would do whatever you want. you wanna be the small spoon? he loves it. you wanna be the big spoon? he loves it. you wanna face him? he loves it. any chance he gets he's beyond happy. you see jungwon finds happiness in the little things in life, so just being able to hold you is more than enough, his little world.

𝗡𝗜𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗠𝗨𝗥𝗔 𝗥𝗜𝗞𝗜

cuddles with him are spontaneous and crazy and fun and soft and fuzzy and literally everything in between. you never know which type you're going for and sometimes it changes from sentimental deep talks to tickle fights and pillows slapping against each other and playful wrestling matches all over the bed.

riki loves loves loves having you stuck against his side one arm going from under your waist to over you holding his phone close to play games together in it in multiplayer mode. letting you win on purpose because everytime you do, you're leaving kisses all over his face in excitement, and sometimes placing bets and winning only to ask for kisses again.

taglist ( open. ) @kangseulgithegreat @s00buwu @luvyev @pockyyasii @nctislifue @ashtxrie @miniature-tragedy @jayujus @brachives @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly @eeunoia @nxzz-skz

[fleuraimer]

requestin a lil… nsfw alphabet with carmy berzatto (au or not is up to u!) bc i am GONE GONE GONE for this guy and the way you write him - 🍓nonnie <33

BERRY GET OUT OF MY HEAD I WAS JS THINKING ABT MAKING ONE OF THESEEEEE

tw!! nsfw alphabet. this shit finna get filthy y'all 😝. buckle up!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

ok i think boxer!carmy is the type to wanna hold his cub after sex for literally as long as possible like. arms still wrapped around her waist even after she's come down from that fuzzy, floaty headspace he sends her to, fingers tickling the flesh of her forearms, supple thighs, her bruised up, heaving chest, her sagged shoulder, or curled up in her mussed hair, scratching gently at her sweaty scalp. when he goes supa hard on his girl i can see him being extra attentive (like he's always there when she needs him but he refuses to leave her side when he's been rougher than usual—carries her everywhere like a small child, hand feeds her foods, keeps her off her feet more than her had when he had her on her damn back). he's always asking if she needs anything from him or if she's feeling good or if he'd been too rough with her anywhere—just very sweet and kinda anxious to make her as comfortable as fucking humanly possibly because he's just so thankful for her and fucking grateful that she fits to him—molds to his whims—so perfectly :((

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

ASSSSS!!!! like carmen berzatto loves his cub and could spend hours trying to find the words to describe her ethereal beauty but this man is a SUCKER for her pretty ass :)). he definitely pretends to hit it from the back any and every fucking time she's bent over; he's holding her there when she's in his lap, stood beside him, tucked into his side, embraced in his burly biceps—hugging his big body, her little hands grasping at the broad of his back with his massive paws pressed into the fat of her ass :(((. he likes to lay his head on it when he finds her laying on her stomach across the bed, scrolling mindlessly through her phone or reading a book or stetching in her notebook. other times he come in and eye her there from the doorframe for a minute, head titled curiously, and then come up behind her—quiet enough that she usually doesn't notice—and issue a sure smack to her teasing bottom. carmy just loves to grab it, smack it, lick it, bite it, kiss it; and she makes it damn hard not to with those tight and tiny clothes she insists on wearin' all the time—not that he's really fuckin' complaining. he just loves cub's ass :)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

i think carmy doesn't really care where he comes as long as it's on or in his cub. like obviously he loves spilling into her sweet cunt, or down her tight throat, but he's also obsessed with rubbing himself into her skin—printing, marking—coming hard over her soft tummy, or her arched back; her bite ridden, spit-slicked breasts, or her hand-printed, irritated ass, and massaging his essence into her flesh... idk it makes him dizzy and gets his cock stirring equally as fast as watching his cum drip from her ruined pussy or her throat bob as she swallows a load she's just given him does. hard decisions :((

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

well this secret has been revealed already but bear loves cub's pretty pink toes :)) she's usually always wearing heals—a personal preference—so he lovessss when she comes home after a long day and makes him unbuckle and/or slip her shoes off and give her a foot rub. flops down on the bed or couch and tugs her legs over his lap, leans forward to grab the shea butter and tv remote to hand to his cub. and takes a dollop of shea butter and rubs it into his palms as she picks some rom-com—set it up tonight, a fan favorite—to watch before taking one of her feet in his paws, smoothing the moisturizer into her skin, soothing the ache, digging them out from the crevices of her muscles with those heavenly fingers of his. in the bedroom, he kisses and sucks on her little pink toes, keeps them pressed against his pecs when he's got her on her back, pulls them up to his stomach when he's got her on all fours. he just thinks they're so cute, little pink things, and he loves the way she reacts when he sucks them into his mouth it makes his head spin almost as much as when they’re sliding up and down the length of his hard cock.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

boxer!carmy was a whore. key word; was, but still, you know? that little comment about ring girls he made to his cub during their first fight was not just some information he picked up after years of being in the industry, carmy knows. it's a fact that his cub loves to throw in his face whenever he gets unreasonably jealous at her interaction with the male species, because she has to watch him get swarmed by ten different scarcely clothed girls every time he wins a fight with a fucking smile on her face; he can suffer through a few minutes of her making idle conversation with the opposite sex.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

oh lawd i feel like this is a toss up between missionary and doggy. carm loves missionary because, for one, he gets to see his cub's gorgeous face and study each reaction and inflection she offers him. he can easily reach for her heaving tits and squeeze them in his massive paws, or lean down to suckle a trail of hickies over them. he'll throw her legs over his shoulders and fall into her, folding her in on herself, spreading her open for him, sneak his hand down between their bodies to smear his thumb over her clit. but then there's doggy where he can press and play with her perfect ass as he sinks his cock into her to the root, pushing down on the bend of her back to force her farther into and arm, face smushed against the sheets, shoulders slumped, ass up and pressed tight to her bear. more hard decisions :(((

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

i definitely think our bear is more on the serious side. it certainly wouldn't ruin the moment if he tripped over himself when trying to yank down his pants, or they bump foreheads or he gets elbowed when he manhandles her around where he wants her, a brief, soft and loving laugh exchanged between them. but they fall right back into each other when the moment has passed, drunk of both lust and love, a fatal attraction. their affection—obsession—for one another is too serious for their sex to be any different.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

despite his honorific, carmy keeps it clean down there. not smooth-shaven, but not prickly or bushy either. it's just the right length and amount that it's honestly more attractive that he isn't completely smooth. he prefers to wax, and will shave to trim up anywhere thats needed.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

our boy carmy craves being close, so it's hard to imagine him being anything but intimate when he's with his girl, between the sheets or not. no one said he was conventionally intimate, however. he shows his intimacy through a hand sealed to the hinge of her jaw, keeping her mouth near his. or with fingers digging into hips, locking her to his cock; through a fist in her scalp, or a hand pressing down on the bulge in her stomach. i feel like carm is more primally intimate than romantically intimate, you know? anywhore...

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he doesn't even remember the meaning of the term 💀 only if the hand jacking his stiff cock belongs to his cub :))

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

oh em gee this actually just popped into my brain but like i can see carm lwk liking temperature play but like not normal?? y'all HEAR ME OUT THERE'S A VISION. after like a particularly brutal fight (our baby won still, dw) carmy has to take an ice bath to soothe his muscles, so he slips inside a large tin bath with his girl by he side, sitting in a chair pulled next to the bath. he's shivering as he sinks down to his neck, heavy breath coming through pursed lips, hands clenched into fits beneath the ice. he curses under his breath but eventually settle, his cub's hand pressing sweaty curls away from his forehead. he rolls his head back against the padded ledge and flits his droopy eyes up to her, smiling softly. and then, unprovoked, "come sit on m'face, cub." and like... ok! so she moves her chair to the head of the tub and then sits with her front facing the back of the chair. she grips the top of her seat as carmy fits his head between her parted thighs and lifts his freezing arms from the ice water and "quiet f'me, baby, don't need anybody walkin' in." so... yeah 💆🏽‍♀️

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

carmen will fuck his girl literally anywhere in the house—it's their fucking penthouse, he should be able to shove his cock inside his cub whenever, wherever, and however he fucking feels like. i feel like they fuck in the locker room way too often in the beginning stages of their relationship, and at least twice in the actual arena on the canvas of the ring. oh, he lovessss a good car and/or limo sesh, reminds him of their first time <333

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

literally anything his cub does. anything. some favorites, though, are when she dances for, with, or on him, when she licks sweat from his skin in some feral display of affection, when she tries to manhandle him the way he can her, and when she asks him for help—seriously, she's so goddamn stubborn and coy that she rarely ever just asks for something, there's always some game to play.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

hmmm i think he would never do anything with a knife or something involving blood when it comes to his cub—like, if there's cuts and bruises on his body from a fight and she's pressin' and kissin' and bitin' on them, drawing his ichor to the surface, he's not gonna stop the show. but if he claws at her flesh hard enough to scrape away a few layers of skin and draws crimson to the surface, he's literally throwing a fit, like borderline calling an ambulance, about to report himself for a crime. he's not against the infliction of pain in a sexual context—clearly not, he'll bite and smack and yank his cub to his heart's content—but the second it turns from something enticingly heady into something hurtful and damning all facades are dropped and he's tending to his sweetheart :((

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

bear is a MUNCHHHHH!! he's always gagging to get his head between his cub's thighs, and he's damn good at it. he pays close attention every time he's down there, listens for every bleat and moan she lets slip past her plump lips, hands soothing any patch of flesh he can paw at. he'd never turn down his cub's—hot and wet around him; knows everything he likes, needs, to finish him off—but if she says some dumb shit like, "do you want me to give you head or do you want to give me head?" he pulling her into him and ripping at whatever his blocking his mouth from her sweet pussy so he can fucking show her what he wants—

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

i think it deffffinitely depends on the mood/situation. like he always sets the pace in the moment, based off the vibe the night has curated and the way his girl has been behaving for the night. HEAVY on the behavior; all she has to do is be good and she'll get what she asks for—but we've established she doesn't ask for anything, she plays games, and so why would this be any fucking different. so i suppose most of the time it's firm and deep but not necessarily fast, only when she begs for it, and, on the rare occasion she plays nice, he takes soft and slow with his sweet cub.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

if his girl's down, he's down 😛.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

i feel like he's open to anything that doesn't cause real harm to his cub. like he'll try out exhibitionism with her if she wants to but only in a controlled environment. keeps the details to himself so she feels like it's raw and unstaged, but he'd for sure rent out like a club or restaurant and fuck her on the table in front of everyone—everyone being a group of paid, NDA signed actors, you know?

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

MJ said it best y'all; he's makin' sweet love 'til the break of dawn 🤧 (like regardless if he just got beat down—if his girl wants his cock, she's getting his cock).

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

i don't think carm every had or really used toys before he met his girl, and they don't use them particularly often in the bedroom to begin with, but he's not averse to them, and when they do it's always a good time—for some more than others (the some being carmen, pulling orgasm after orgasm out of his twitching cub, c'mon, baby, gimme more, gimme that fuckin' cream—).

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

jesus lord 😖. mean, mean, mean man, our bear :(( he riles his cub up 37,000 times a day and leaves her high and soaked each time. slips a rogue hand up her skirt to pet at her clothed pussy, fits his hand to her jaw when she gets snippy, keeps a hand on her—usually her ass—at all times, tell her to open up when he pulls away from a kiss to offhandedly spit in her sweet mouth. then he just... smiles and gives her an unnecessary wink, moseying off to do whatever it is that he does :(((

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

i'm a FIRM believer that cub is the only person—despite carm's gross (in her opinion) body count—that can make him moan, you know? like deep, from the pit of his stomach, rooted in the pleasure she stirs in the belly of the beast—the bear, her bear—a low, rumbling moan fallen past his red, bitten lips, parting and un-parting over stuttered breaths. like she makes him sing the way he does for her, and she's the only one that can :))

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he lets her use the tip to scroll 💀 (i can imagine this so vividly in my head 😭 😭) BUT ANYWAY i think our bear likes nip sucking...idk i can just see him with a lactation kink :)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

i feel like i covered this the best i could in the first time blurby but if it wasn't clear our man is THICK. like his cock is no longer then six, six and half inches long, but the width??? literally tearing his girl in two 🤕

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

IF HIS GIRL'S DOWN, HE'S DOWN, SHE IS HIS SEX DRIVE.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

boxer!carmy only falls alseep after he knows he's girl is knocked out for the night. he tickles, gentle, with his finger-pads, up and down her arm, whispers sweet praises in her ear and presses kisses to her sweaty temple and lull her into a dreamy, sated state and eventually to bed. only then, with her nose pressed into his neck and her hands bunched up at his chest, tucked in his side, with her leg thrown over his slowly rising and falling stomach, does he allow his eyes to grow heavy with sleep. when (if) he dreams, he dreams of her.

——

a/n: this was fun!! hope u enjoy my berry 😚

not edited/proofread!

[jadeddangel]

if you do poly stuff could I get a Lute x reader x Adam

I 100% DO POLY STUFF OMFG I SIMP FOR THEM SO BAD

Lute x reader x Adam

Headcannons and blurbs

warnings: hints of smut here and there but mostly toothrotting fluff

If you are under the age of 18 or legal age, please don't interact

Adam may not always treat you and lute the best but there's never really a doubt from either of you

Adam does his best to spend time equally but unfortunately with lute being his second in command he's constantly working with her

The moment one of their masks comes off when they get home on the other hand they're both yours for as Ling as they can be

Adam and lute had been gone all day, between planning the exterminations and dealing with having to train new exterminators they were wiped. You had worked as a secretary for Sera and Emily, so you were usually home pretty late. Adam and Lute picked up some pizza on the way home and were just waiting. Emily had been running you ragged having you play with her, color for hours, climb through a play place that she insisted on having for the younger sould and unfortunately she hadn't really taken into account that you needed to eat, so all day you had been starving. You were finally allowed to go home after heaven started to get dark to allow souls to rest. You were trugging up the stairs of your building going straight to your shared loft. You stepped into the loft, kicking your shoes off and hanging your bag, taking notice to the 2 masks already at the door. "Guys, I'm home!" You called out weakly as you stepped into the living room. They were sitting together on the couch cuddled up together while watching a movie. Lute took notice to you first and moved so she was standing on her knees on the couch as she waved you over. You gave her a weak smile as you leaned down and gave her a sweet kiss putting your hand on the side of her head as she immediately pulled you down more letting the kiss start to get heated as she pushed her tongue into her mouth. At this point, Adam took notice of you being back due to the happy little hums and heavy breaths that he was hearing next to him, Adam cleared his throat, trying to bring attention back to him. Lute pulled away before kissing your nose playfully. You laughed a bit before looking over at Adam. Adam gave you a small smile "Well hi there, sugar tits.. where's my kiss, huh? A kiss for your favorite boy?" Adam teased

It was often like this calm and sweet, and aside from Adam's minor sexist and misogynistic moments here and there

Lute always called him on his shit though

The only time your routine ever changed was the week after the exterminations

That was when mating season started, due to most of the angels being bird or animal based, which caused heaven to basically shut down

You, Adam, and lute just stayed in your apartment making a nest out of pillows and blankets

It was also one of the only times Adam took over cooking, insisting that you needed rest for later activities

Now, when it comes down to sex, Adam refuses to bottom, and so does lute (but not as harshly), leaving you between a rock and a hard place when you try to top

They're definitely big on restraints ,breeding, and marking. They just have to let anyone and everyone know who you belong to

Lute is rather quiet ob the vocal spectrum, and Adam only lets out curses and heavy breathes

Adam literally sucks at aftercare. He'll waste all of his energy focusing on fucking you silly that he's usually passed out by the end of it

Now, don't get lute wrong she loves you and loves to take care of you, but she isn't the best at aftercare either.

Lute will get you in a nice warm bath, maybe put warm compresses and massage on places that hurt and then will just put on a show in the background

Lute usually pays more attention to cleaning you up rather than Adam, she just takes a damp rag and just wipes him down

Cuddles are a must between the 2 of them

I mean it, they're so scared of losing you that they cling to you for dear life the moment you get home

[eff-plays]

every time i remember that astarion has 4 extra hours of dialogue compared to wyll, i get so sad... before i got to the end of the game, i was like "ah. wyll must not be in any fandom posts i saw because of predictable reasons, but surely he still has cool scenes and an equivalent level of care in the canon writing!" RIP. he does not. it's like a self-sustaining vortex of the fandom and the writing team both being way more excited about the pale elf than any other character.

it's a shame because astarion is otherwise a well written and acted character, but it makes me dislike him on principle if i feel he's the authors' Favourite Little Boy, hah.

God YEAH. It's so fucking frustrating!

Like he's my favorite little boy! He fully is! But I would give up HOURS of his content if it meant the effort was equal across the board! Because that's good game design, that's good writing! That's what they should have done!

And it's so so fucking frustrating to see how Larian are basically leaving the other companions in the shitter just to cater to a small and annoying minority of rabid fangirs who shit themselves silly at the mere mention of him.

Y'all know that pretty post with all the companions' eyes? Well someone added some shit about how Astarion's eyes have micromovements that are faster than anyone else's because he's always looking for threats.

And I'm just sitting here like. This is the Dragon Age fandom again. Y'all are here overanalyzing insignificant shit just because it pertains to your favorite crusty white man. It's giving "let's pretend that BioWare's shitty canned animations are worth of deep frame-by-frame analysis". I think in general it's fine to analyze animations in the case of BG3, because there's mo-cap and actual acting involved, but c'mon, y'all. Derailing a beautiful gifset of EVERYONE'S eyes with some sappy addon about only Astarion?

I honestly HATE the fact that I like Astarion as much as I do, because it means sharing a fandom with the type of people who think Cullen is a gift to all women. Which, yeah, a lot of parallels there, in that he also got a hugely inflated role because of a minority of extremely horny idiots who saw a pretty white boy (though the pretty part is debatable in Cullen's case) and all other thoughts flew out the window. I literally initially didn't like Astarion because based on what I'd seen from the fandom, he'd be another unrepentant asshole that people woobiefied like they did Cullen, and to some extent, Solas. And I was right! I just ended up liking him in the actual canon enough to make my own judgment in the end.

It's also why I am filled with glee whenever another Astarion-centric blog blocks me, because the more of those guys I keep away from me, the less I want to shoot Astarion point-blank just by association.

So yeah. He's my little guy but I also fully 100% understand disliking him because of the hype. It's 100% justified and I fault nobody for doing so. His being so well-written as a result of poor management, crunch, and fandom pressure isn't something to celebrate. The ends do not justify the means here. Either extend dev time to give everyone the same amount of love, or don't fucking bother with extra content at all. It's that fucking simple.

Also the optics of admitting all of that in a Discord server just to satisfy a bunch of dipshits looking for a pat on the head for making the Canon Choices. Just ... bleh.

[alastor-the-demon]

*He fades into his radio station*

Salutations! Today we are going to be reading a transcript of everything that was said between Charlie and Adam's first conversation!

Adam: 'Sup!

Charlie: Holy, shit!

[Charlie immediately fell down after getting surprised by the sudden appearance of two angels in the room. She gets back up and readjusts herself to introduce herself properly.]

Charlie: Hi, I'm Charlie. My dad asked me if I could meet you.

Adam: Yeah, I know.

Charlie: Okay, well.

[Adam eats his rib like a buzzsaw]

Charlie: It's nice to meet you.

Adam: Totally. It's nice to meet you, too.

[Adam reaches over to give Charlie a handshake, and as she was about to shake his hand, her hand slips right through, revealing him to be a hologram, fizzing on and off after being touched, which freaks Charlie out.]

Adam: Ha! I fucking got you. *turns to Lute* Did you see that?

[Lute nods once.]

Adam: Ha. Good shit.

[Charlie was trying to get something straight with Adam being a hologram.]

Charlie: Uh...so, wait. You aren't here?

Adam: No, you think I'd come down there? *laughs* No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fucking hardcore, don't get me wrong. But! it's such a bummer! man. Everything down there's just so "eugh", ya know? *chuckles* Ew.

Charlie: Right. So, I'm happy we've got this opportunity to meet. There's a project that I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about-

[Adam puts his finger on Charlie's lips to quiet her down for a moment.]

Adam: Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. We've got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm. How about lunch? You hungry? I got you.

[Adam takes a plate of ribs he's been eating toward Charlie.]

Adam: Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it.

Charlie: Uh...thanks.

[Charlie went to take a piece of a rib, but her hand past right through them, also revealing to be a hologram, as they fizz on and off from the touch, and Adam laughs.]

Adam: I got you again, bitch! *laughs* Fuckin' hilarious!

[Charlie makes a small unamused chuckle alongside Adam's hyper laughter.]

Adam: So, I was playin’ this gig, and for some fuckin’ reason, this virtue chick was diggin’ on the drummer, and it's like, “do you know who I am? I’m fuckin’ Adam. I’m the original dick!” (pointing to his penis down the table) All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick? (Lute shaking her head) No way! I’m the Dick-fuckin’ master! (eats a mouthful of ribs sloppily) So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What’d you do this weekend?

Charlie: Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam, that means you…Oh….

(Charlie puts the pieces together, realizing this is the reason why her mother left him, making her wince.)

Charlie: (low voice) That explains so much.

Adam: I know. I fucking rock. (Held a rock pose)

(Charlie brushes off the awkwardness from Adam and gets to her subject of matter in hand.)

Charlie: Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir.

Adam: Call me, Dickmaster.

Charlie: Adam. You seem like a smart (paused) well, stand up guy.

Adam: (picking his teeth) Uh-huh.

Charlie: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A— A genius!

Adam: I mean, your words, babe.

Charlie: Who would really love to put his name on something.

Adam: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!

Charlie: It’s a solution to our biggest problem!

Adam: Oh, Herpes. Yeah, that’s a bitch.

Charlie: No! Our... other biggest problem.

Adam: Oh…uh..ugly people? Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that’s Earth’s problem.

(Charlie stares at Adam with deadpan annoyance at how ignorant he is.)

Adam: Ummm...

Adam: When you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check but you're like, (high pitched-voice) "Hey, I thought you wanted equality."

Charlie: NO! our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!

Adam: Ohh, well that's not a problem! We got that covered! (turning to Lute) Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?

Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.

Adam: 275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it.

[Adam raises a fist for Lute to make a fist-bump, which she did.]

Charlie: Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that right?

Adam: Oh yeah. That must suck for you! *bursts into laughter*

Charlie: But these are souls...Humans souls just the same as the ones you have up in heaven.

Lute: (coldly)  They're not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.

Charlie: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.

Lute: Angels don't make mistakes.

Charlie: You really think that.

Lute: I know that.

Adam: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin’ life.

[As Lute comes around the table, the scene turns slightly darker with ominous red.]

Lute: The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?

Adam: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.

Charlie: Oh fuck!

[Charlie rushes to present her plan as fast as she could.]

Charlie: Okay I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time and I feel like you weren't hearing me before so here it goes.

[Charlie coughs as she starts making a fast-talk, which is close to singing as she gets all ofer stuff out in the table to show them what she means.]

Charlie: ♫ I know Hell's population is out of control. ♫

♫ It's a bad situation. ♫

♫ It's taking a toll. ♫

♫ If we rehab these Sinners. ♫

♫ And cleanse all their souls. ♫

♫ At my Hazbin Hotel—♫

[Charlie rambles through the stacks of paper to get something.]

Charlie: Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!

♫ Right! Extermination! ♫

♫ I know you guys fly down. ♫

♫ Just to kill once a year. ♫

♫ And it must be annoying. ♫

♫ To schlep all the way here. ♫

♫ If they join you in Heaven. ♫

♫ That trip disappears! ♫

♫ You can wave that chore farewell. ♫

♫ (deep breath) It'll be a happy day—♫

Adam: ♫ Let me stop you right there. ♫

Charlie: Oh

Adam: ♫ Save us all precious time. ♫

Charlie: Okay...

Adam: ♫ If what you're suggesting. ♫

♫ Is letting them climb. ♫

♫ Up the ladder. ♫

♫Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates? ♫

Charlie: Well, uh—

Adam: ♫ Sorry, sweetie. But there's no defyin' their fates! ♫

♫ 'Cause Hell is forever. ♫

♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫

♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫

♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫

♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫

♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫

♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫

♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫

Charlie: Okay, but—

Adam: ♫ Just try to chillax, babe. ♫

♫You're wasting your breath. ♫

Charlie: Hehe...

Adam: ♫ Did I hear you imply. ♫

♫ That they don't deserve death?

♫ Are they Winners? ♫

♫ Are they Sinners? ♫

♫ 'Cause it's cut and dry. ♫

Charlie: Well, actually, if you take a look—

Adam: ♫ Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! ♫

♫ And when all's said and done (Said and done) ♫

♫ There's the question of fun (Fun) ♫

♫ And for those of us with Divine Ordainment. ♫

♫ Extermination is entertainment! ♫

♫ Bow-now-now-nownow ♫

Adam: Guitar solo, fuck yeah!

♫ Oh, da-ah-ah now-now-n-now-n-now-n-now-n-nownownow. ♫

[After Adam throws Charlie’s papers at her, she gets so angry that she turns into her demon form, making growling noise]

Charlie: Ugh...

Adam: ♫ Hell is forever. ♫

♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫

♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫

[Four golden mirages of Exorcists appears, surrounding Charlie from all sides.]

(Charlie: Where the Hell did you people come from?!)

♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫

♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫

♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫

♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫

♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫

♫ Fuckin' Hell's forever. ♫

♫ And it's meant to suck a lot. ♫

♫ So give up your dumb endeavor. ♫

♫ 'Cause you don't have a shot! ♫

♫ Long as I've got your attention. ♫

♫ I guess I should probably mention. ♫

♫ That we made the determination. ♫

♫ To move up the next Extermination! ♫

Charlie: What?!

Adam: ♫ Can't wait a whole year. ♫

♫ To slaughter those little cunts. ♫

♫ I know it's just been a week. ♫

♫ But we'll be back in six months! ♫

[Despite being a hologram, Adam grabs Charlie and throws her right out of the door.]

Charlie: Um, wait, you-you— Ugh, SHIT!

[Before Charlie tries to get to Adam, the door closes while he continues to do a guitar solo shredding. Defeated, Charlie slams a fist on the door before the scene cuts to black.]

[Copy paste my beloved]

[fkajohnlennon]

Not going to lie, I am intrigued by the catboy and the buggered Beatle WIPs 👀🐈🐈‍⬛

Catboy is soooo small and tiny right now!!! Like a little baby bird! I don’t have much more, but what I do have is buggered Beatle, one of my babies that I really want to finish one day!! Honestly, it might be my favorite WIP 💗

The prompt for that one was as follows: John Lennon: ‘I was trying to put it ‘round that I was gay, you know - dancing at all the gay clubs in Los Angeles, flirting with the boys”, plus the rumors that John AND Paul were spotted together in a gay bar … what if J & P spotted a cute guy and used the line ‘Hey, we saw you from across the bar and really dig your vibe’ ….

Up to the writer to decide who the guy is, whether he’s younger or older, on what basis he is chosen. Bonus points if a bit of jealousy arises during the 3 way hookup

They’re both piss drunk when they first talk about it: a thankful bit of lubrication which opens their mouths just a bit easier than either of them anticipated.

“Did you ever do it?” Paul asks, lazily sucking on a cigarette and zipping up his pants.

It’s 1965 and they’re both coming off the high of a show with the fire of expensive liquor coursing through their veins. They’d wanked one out in the venue toilet stalls next to each other, calling out names like their former schoolboy selves used to until they could no longer speak, only pant. When John unexpectedly called out the last name, Montgomery Clift, Paul came so hard and suddenly, he had to brace himself on the stall door.

“You’ll have to be more specific than that, Macca,” John slurs, stealing the cigarette from Paul. He hasn’t washed his hands yet, and something glistens on his skin under the fluorescents.

Paul grimaces. “You know, did you ever—” the words are stubbornly sticking to the roof of his mouth. “Did you and Brian…?”

“Did I ever shag Brian?” John asks with a raised eyebrow, and Paul nods mutely. John pauses like he’s thinking something over; a pensive look with a drunken edge that slows it from fleeting to noticeable. “Nah,” he finally answers, and Paul breathes out, only for John to hit him with: “I let him fuck me.”

Paul is too stunned to speak. He just gapes at John, who is very pointedly not meeting his eyes.

“Well,” he gathers himself after a moment, once he’s taken the cigarette back from John, “how was it?”

John chuckles. “Bloody fantastic, if I’m being honest. Did you know we have a spot, like girls?”

Paul can feel he’s blushing, but he’s too drunk to care. He can���t imagine that John notices, not under the influence of his own alcohol. There’s a gnawing, nauseous feeling in Paul’s stomach as John talks, but Paul, ever the student, is also dreadfully curious. He’d never even been within ten feet of a homosexual, not before he met Brian, and he has to admit, he is curious.

“How do you mean?” he asks.

Finally, John’s mouth curls into a familiar sharp smile. “I mean: you know when you’re giving it to a girl, and you curl your fingers just right and she screams? Well, we lads have that, but it’s…” he hesitates.

“Up our arse?” Paul supplies. John answers with a roar of laughter.

“Right, right. I’m telling you, Macca,” he goes to move towards Paul, but he’s so wasted, he stumbles over his few small steps. He lurches forward, and Paul steadies him with a firm hand and a giggle. “I’m telling you, when you feel it, it—it’s better than any wank you can imagine. Honest!”

Paul is enthralled. He’s also sick to his stomach. “John, are you a homosexual?” He hopes the question comes out as earnest rather than disgusted. He’s too drunk to fight off an angry, equally drunk John right now without coming out with a black eye.

Thankfully, John just placidly shakes his head. “Nah, but I wanted to try it. You should too— every bloke should. It was liberating. Made me kind of understand how the bird’s feeling. Made me a better lover, I think.”

[kiyocuck]

silly

ok im sick as hell and unfortunately also very bored so im gonna write down some silly naeishimondo scenarios ive been brainrotting for a while

Makoto being sick like me and staying home, meanwhile both taka and mondo barge into his house, bringing in homemade soup and tea (both of which makoto already got), and while they're being sad over the fact their favorite little guy wont be at the academy with them for the rest of the week, komaru steals the soup and tea cuz she woke up sick too (from makoto). An alt ending is them giving makoto a Liiiittle kiss on the forehead, both of them thinking they wont get sick, and waking up with 40°C temperature the next day

Them all going to mondo's house for a hangout-sleepover bcuz hes the only one of the three with a queen-sized bed (lil context, after mondo quit being a biker gang leader [in a universe where daiya is alive cuz fuck you] him and his brother move to a more. "calm" place, just the two of them. they still hangout w the other gang members though). they all watch movies and taka drops dead snoring the second the clock hits 10pm bcuz his brain cant handle staying up later for "no reason" (he has pulled all nighters when it comes to studying). mondo falls asleep second, and makoto just watches them sleep peacefully before snuggling between them and going to sleep too (imagine cringing over what ur writing help)

Going home in the snowy weather after shopping all evening (taka made them both come with him). theyre all holding equal amount of bags, until mondo grabs them all and speedruns to their house cuz hes FREEZING, and boy oh boy does he not like the cold at all. after that he sticks himself to the heater for like 10 minutes, while makoto and taka think to themselves that he looks like hes purring next to it (they both assigned him a catboy in their heads cuz it makes him 10 times cuter (also my version of him has a default >:3 face that all owada family members have (its more noticable on daiya but still))

Continuing the last one, theyre cooking together now!!! mondo kinda sucks at it, makoto is trying his best, and taka is this 🤏 close to chewing a brick over how they cut the vegetables (they look chunky (his autism can't stand it, meanwhile their autisms dont care/dont even notice it (no im not projecting not at all))). eventually they make a nice meal (of unknown kind cuz i can never think of foods LMFAO) and it turned out surprisingly good. yum!

Pet assigning. as i mentioned makoto n taka have assigned mondo a cat/catboy, but the same applies for the others. taka is a dog, obviously, but specifically a husky BECAUSE (im gonna be so annoying about this): Hes black and white, hes dramatic and loud like how huskies are, very loving (as every dog), and when his hair grows out more and mondo touches it, it reminds him of how fluffy huskies' fur is. makoto is a bunny, but i unfortunately dont know many bunny breeds so i will probably elaborate more once i look up and decide. hes just short/"small" and silly like one, and his ahoge going down when hes sad resembles bunny ears going down. (btw if ur curious mondo is either a tiger (still a cat!!!) or a persian cat. bcuz i cant help but imagine him as a chonky orange persian cat that on one occasion scratches your eyes, and on another cuddles on your shoulders. la creatura)

i think thats all for now! most of my other scenarios are even more generic, like going on dates (aquarium, cafe, cinema etc) so i dont have that much to write LOL.

if you read the whole thing, heres some items for yuo 🍀🧭💎

[originemesis]

@bored2deathiswear xxx

Mercy, what a terrible concept. Something about mercy felt futile, empty. It felt as if Mercy in a case like this meant nothing, only another word out of so many that in this context left a bad aftertaste. Adam didn't deserve Mercy, he was a problem, a problem that needed to be finished. Over, dealt with. But when she looked at him with those eyes and begged him for Mercy, how could he say no? At this point, he'd have given up all his wings and crown for her. "You have to save him."

Her voice echoed in his head for days as the wounded bird was in and out of consciousness as he was tended to by one of his demonic subordinates. The healing process was long but worth it.

But...was it worth it?

Because at where he stood, looking at what he was, it didn't feel worth it whatsoever. It felt like another regret. His serpent eyes stared at the havoc, the storm tantrum the favorite of heaven threw and all he could feel was pure spite. Asking himself "Why?" Only to be reminded. Hoping that Charlie was right on this because he felt it to be so wrong. He trusted her, he just didn't trust...him.

The king of hell remained in place as the gaze of Adam turned to him. Away from the light and in a sober stance. Arms behind his back, staring down at the other. The lip twitched up some as he was talked to, ever so lightly, a microscopic reaction to the whole ordeal finally translated into the physical sphere.

Then...

Step.

Step.

Step.

Until his feet were by the turned bed. His black leather boots shone under the gleam, his face still somewhat darkened by his hat, and the shadow of a slight glare. His hands around his cane as it stood behind his back.

A sigh. Equally as unshowing.

"Is this how you show gratitude? I give you comfort and what you do is turn it upside down? Rampage it and destroy it like a child?"

-Indeed you can't fix an old dog - A thought occurred in his mind as he stood there, closer to the captive. His voice strangely calm and cold.

The scowl he wears- worn when he knows he's being watched without reason, remedies to a sharpened grin as his display of explosive disdain for creature comforts finally draws his annoyingly omnipresent audience over right as he slashes a sharpened talon through a crude drawing in the wood that looks sort of like his jailer, but far more muppety. Since that was the last of his nails that needed buffering, he settles into his sideways slouch upon the baseboard as it creaks under the effort of supporting a hybrid being that carried a train's momentum with him if he timed his air tackles just right. Not that there was any air to catch even with the high ceiling rafters with his wings firmly wrapped under bandages tightened to speed up the various small boned breaks and feather sprains, but then fitted extra tight to spite him when he kept complaining about how the demon attendant assigned to his bedside for the first grueling months of mending really should have bigger tits.

Examining the new sheen at the tips of one flexed talon like listening to the other is an afterthought of all the clearly important tasks he had to do to finish his redecoration plans, he loses a snort at the tail end of the sentiment he manages to catch. "Pffbt- gratitude?! Oh, I'm soooo grateful for being locked up in your little shit of a zoo exhibit- do you even hear yourself right not?" Wrist flicking as he gestures around the area as if the other forgot just where he'd stashed him surrounded by several smothering force fields, then quirked a brow bidding the other an accusatory 'well??' Like he wanted to hear whatever snowflake excuse he'd concocted as reason for it again- because he didn't, it was always the same shit with this guy. Mercy for the sake of gloating. The apple wallpaper (he'd definitely scratched up by now) was proof of that.

"-and any-fucking-ways, who said I needed comfort? I made the earth into my personal Minecraft server from literal shit all. I think I know how to rot in cell just fine~" With a condescending croon over his knuckles, he adjusts with his arms tucking behind his head like he's finally getting comfy now that the room's showing more signs of his resistance. "Which won't be long once the seraphim find out where I am. I'd say it's been nice knowing you in a, y'know! Unfucked by the energy of a thousand suns state. But it hasn't, soooo..."

[janeykath318]

A Princess Bride Meet Cute (Shieldshock)

For @glynnisi

“You’ve got that dumbstruck smile again, Darcy,” Jane pointed out to her friend as they sipped their coffee. “I can’t believe you still haven’t talked to him.”

Darcy just shrugged, eyes following the broad back of Steve Rogers as he exited the little cafe.

“It’s very unlike me, I know,” Darcy admitted. “But I don’t wanna ruin this fun little…….thing. Hitting on Captain America is a bit different than some random cute dude.”

“How so? Steve’s just a normal guy and you’d find that out for yourself if you’d just talk to him.” Jane sighed.

Darcy snorted. “Normal? Him?”

She’d been exchanging non-verbal greetings with Steve for a couple months now since they’d moved into Avengers tower. He’d smile and wave at her whenever they’d pass each other in the hall or share an elevator. Darcy would return the smile, always feeling very giddy from the beauty of it. She hadn’t got up the courage to say anything yet, which annoyed Jane greatly.

“Well, just be glad Romanoff’s away or she would see your eye fucking and deal with you two idiots posthaste.”

“It’s not eye fucking, Jane! He’d probably die of horror at the thought.”

Jane just gave a mysterious smile. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

“Are you coming with me to the Princess Bride screening tomorrow?” Darcy asked to change the topic. It was her favorite movie and she was very hyped to see it on a big screen.

“Sadly, no,” Jane answered regretfully. “I’ve got a very important meeting that Fury won’t let me miss.”

“Ugh.” Darcy wrinkled her nose. “My sympathies.”

The following day, she entered the theater armed with a giant bowl of popcorn and a couple boxes of Resees Pieces. It was midday on a Tuesday, so the place was pretty much empty, which Darcy loved. She didn’t have to worry about judgmental stares from old people or being tripped over by kids taking a half dozen potty breaks.

During the second trailer, she heard someone approach her row and looked up to see Steve Rogers sit down four seats away from her. He gave her a delighted smile and she instinctively waved back, even as her stomach did somersaults.

“Who are you trying to fool, Lewis?” She heard Natasha’s voice in her head. “You’ve got it bad.”

As the movie progressed, she glanced over periodically to gauge Steve’s reaction, which indicated he hadn’t seen the movie before, but was heartily enjoying it. He seemed especially tickled by the iocane powder scene and the Rodents Of Unusual Size.

Darcy heaved a happy sigh as the credits rolled, munching the last of her candy contentedly. Her neighbor was marking something down in a small notebook.

“I waited way too long to watch that movie,” she heard Steve say as he pocketed the notebook. “That was fantastic.”

“I know, right?” Darcy exclaimed, forgetting her shyness around him. “I’ve seen it fifteen times now and it never gets old.”

“I’ll have to catch it again, sometime.” Steve remarked, then he looked more closely at her and did a double take.

“Wait—you’re the one I’ve been seeing around the tower lately with Dr. Foster. I’m Steve Rogers.”

He held out a large hand and Darcy shook it happily.

“Wow. I’m Darcy Lewis, and I was wanting to say something before, but your face left me tongue-tied.”

Steve chuckled.

“Well, your face left me equally tongue-tied.”

Darcy’s face grew warm and she decided to go for it.

“Hmm. Natasha would shake her head at how much time we’ve wasted. Wanna get a late lunch?”

“Absolutely,” Steve agreed, giving another bashful smile. “And yes, if she’d been here, she probably would have locked us in a closet right now. She’s threatened to make me a Tinder profile when she gets back next week.”

“Oh, no.” Darcy shuddered at the thought. “That’s like throwing a lamb to the wolves! What was she thinking?”

Steve snorted at her simile and sighed.

“She was tired of me dragging my heels about dating again and said I was starting to resemble a sad sheepdog and needed to get a life.”

Darcy chuckled as they left the theater together.

“Well, she’s gonna be in for a nice surprise, then. Though I always thought you were the golden retriever type. Now, follow me, Steve, and I will introduce you to the best burger you’ve ever tasted.”

“As you wish,” Steve replied with a grin.

The burger was indeed very good, but Steve was far more interested in Darcy Lewis and her delightful conversation. As for Darcy, she found that a relaxed off duty Steve was a very normal person like Jane had said and very fun to be around.

Needless to say, when Natasha Romanoff returned a few days later, she was pleased to catch Steve and Darcy shamelessly flirting in the hallway.

“There’s hope for him after all.” she declared.

[livvyofthelake]

well see the thing about the wicked powers is that we literally have to give thanks and praise and all that to dru because frankly she's taking the craziest hits for me on multiple fronts. as we all know every cassie series has to have some semblance of a love triangle and i always hate it and she never stops doing it and it makes me want to kill her more than anything in the world. dru's taking the love triangle bullet and the thing about it is that she might actually slay. this could be cassie's first love triangle that doesn't make me want to shoot myself in the head. sorry. no i didn't like tessa's either i was not a tid girlie i respect those who were but that was not my life peace and love. i hate a love triangle i really do. it's always so clear which guy she has to end up with it's fucking annoying. and that's also true for dru and ash like we all know she's not ending up with jamie he's a red herring but still it could possibly even be interesting. you know? like i actually want to see how this pans out. as opposed to say. cordelia and matthew, which made me want to kill myself. the other thing is that cassie loves it when her girl protagonists do this annoying ass oh i'm so insecure how could he ever love little old me thing, which with characters like emma and cordelia, again, made me want to fucking kill myself. but dru could slay that, we already know she would feel that way about jamie, we don't know anything about ash actually and i don't want to cast judgment on him so early so i won't speculate about whether the insecurity shit will be annoying for them. small tangent, i LOVE how cassie has given us basically nothing about ash. good. i don't want to know lest i develop an incorrect perception just to watch cassie jace/will-ify him twp book one. i had to watch that happen to my buddy james herondale and it made me so mad it's unreal. like i would prefer to not get to know that boy until we're like maybe six months out from release. to be honest. i've just been sitting here thinking well he's probably going to either be like a holly black love interest or he's going to be another will herondale-ified stock love interest. either way i don't care the point is i'm flexible. finally the last thing i need to say rn, and this is what i was thinking about earlier if you recall. the other thing all cassie main couples have to do is secret relationships. these idiots love getting into secret relationahips it's so crazy. one thing about me: i hate secret relationships. the way cassie does it can be slay (emma and jules) but i would kill myself if that had to happen to kit and ty. so i'm so absolutely grateful that they aren't the main relationship and dru is the one that has to take all these hits. she's literally doing so much for me AND she might even slay all of it. i hate to say this but i might love her as a protagonist more than cordelia. that's an early thought though don't hold me to that. but think about all the cassie protagonist staples, and then think about dru. she could really slay that in a way not seen before since clary herself..... emma of course is exempt from a lot of the cassie staples because emma and jules are special in the sense that they're like essentially gender flipped. it's complicated to explain but just trust me when i say cassie has a formula and emma and jules are something different, and that's why they're my favorites of course <3

anyway. thanks dru. i'm thrilled to see her as a protagonist and my special guys as secondary protagonists, truly nothing better than being the secondary romance in a cassie book, remember lucie and jesse...... goddamn. would you all say simon and izzy of magnus and alec are the "secondary romace" of tmi? discussion question. i would say simon and izzy because simon is the tertiary protagonist, but i feel like maybe they're actually just equally secondary. obviously the secondary romanc eof tda is cristina et al but they're a flop as we all know. however it only makes sense that they'd be the flop secondary romance because tda is the exception to the main couple rules. well in any case i'm glad this series won't come out for a while i sincerely need to become normal before i have to read all that.

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

Okay here's the prologue 😍🤞🏾

--------------

Rain.

You adored rain, it didn't matter whether it was a light shower, raging down poor, or even when thunder struck so hard it made buildings shake. But for you, rain had always been a safe space for you. Some people could definitely disagree with you right now; especially Zero.

"I swear to god, Nemphis!"

It came out as a grumble, a deep sound that resembled his equally deep voice. A pillow was clutched tightly over the back of his head, his pointed ears popping out of his ivory colored hair. His hair was messy, now freed from the bun he usually kept it in. It went down to his shoulders, and right now it was down as he glared Nemphis through the thin curtain of his hair.

Nemphis on the other hand, was laughing. Cackling at him even, he sounded more like a witch then you and you actually were the witch. Nemphis grinned at Zero his sharp teeth showing easily and even looked as if he was enjoying pissing him off, that thought alone made you laugh slightly.

"Alright, break it up. Break it up, if your gonna make out- at least go to a different room."

Rolling your eyes in a playful manner. Voice full of sarcasm, you closed your book and decided to pay attention to them.

"Well, Zero shall we? Assuming you don't want to join Angel?"

Nemphis turned to you his eye brow lifted slightly in question with slight smirk playing at his lips. He ran his hand through his lavender colored hair and shoved his hands into his pockets awaiting my answer, looking at me with his stormy gray eyes. Ironic how it resembled the clouds in the sky today.

"Sorry boys I'll have to turn you down on that one, I have a date with my cat and criminal minds."

I shrugged casually, easily deflecting Nemphis's attempt at flirting. Walking over to Zero, I bend down now resting on my knees as I look down at him. He's covered in a blanket laying under it with his pillow, still being covered up over his ears. Thinking for a moment, you stop. And smile, for such a big guy he can be so cute. Zero is easily about 6'8 while Nemphis is only a inch under. You don't understand how people can be so afraid of them, genuinely.

"Hey there big guy, you need anything?"

Voice full of genuine concern you poke your head under the blankets so he could hear you better. He shifted before moving to look at you.

"Yeah, need Nemphis to shut the actual fuck up."

He stated, very stubborn on this and wasn't moving on his statement.

"Hey man, I wasn't even being serious big guy chill." He shrugged and quickly went to defend himself.

You huffed, rolling your eyes at their antics before gently bringing zero into a hug comforting him. Running your fingers through his hair, carefully tracing patterns on his back to help calm him down.

"Hey wait, I wanna join the cuddle party!" Whining, Nemphis tried to get under the cover with you and Zero only to be met with a you giggling quietly and pushing him back out.

"If you want any sort of cuddles, you have to put on Zero's favorite movie, make popcorn, and get my spell book." You demanded. You mainly needed all of these to comfort Zero, you knew that Nemphis was happy to do it cause he really felt bad about pushing Zero a lil to far. So with little complaint he did, reaching his hand under the blanket and handing you your spell book.

"Thank you Nem." You gave him a kiss on the cheek as you removed the blanket from you and Zero, Zero angrily grumbling about but didn't complain to much nonetheless.

You stood up and had the book flip to the spell you wanted, it floating in front of you as you read the familiar spell. Honestly it's surprisingly you haven't memorized it it's probably because Nemphis and Zero insisted you memorized attack and healing spells instead. Sighing softly you scanned the page and relaxed letting the familiar feeling of your magic start to pour out of soul and into the air a small magic circle appeared under you glowing lightly of a faint white color as did your eyes, as you muttered the spell. In the sky a patch above your house was cleared, and the stary night skin pooled through the open hole. Rain was hitting everywhere but the house and it seemed like the thunder and lightning was muffled, if not completely silenced. Turning off your magic and with a flick of your wrist your spell book closed and set itself on the table, Nemphis and Zero looked dazed staring at you. Like you'd just hanged the stars in the sky and took them to heaven itself. And to them, you truly did. Shaking your head for a moment to clear off any lingering affects of the magic you turn to the boys and sit on the coach gesturing for Zero to join you and Nemphis.

"Is this a new episode?" He questioned as he sat down basically dawfing you in size it was ridiculous, but he layed his head on your lap as Nemphis had his arm over your shoulders and head resting on yours. Both of them were very much taller than you but you didn't really find it that intimidating.

"I think so, haven't seen this one yet.." You mumbled watching the tv screen as you ate some popcorn.

Moments like this made you wonder how people can see these two as threatening, intimidating, scary, or even terrifying. To you their just two big babies who like to be lil shits to each other. But even then you wouldn't have it any other way.

------

Boom bow

~☔&💫

OH MY LORDY LORDDDDD I LOVE IT I NEED U TO FINISH IT NAOW!!!!!

anywho im on the 46th chapter tehe and i anticipate it to be like 50-52 chapters :3

[hannahsmusings]

Renee

I had more faith in her than that. I’m sure she was too busy flirting with you to tell you the schedule. *I roll my eyes, a hint of playfulness inn my voice but not a lot, maddy was one of my real friends but she was also my assistant and she often got distracted by pretty men and Anthony was definitely her type, having seen her body language while she was in the kitchen with him* *I finish off my smoothie quickly, it being so good that I couldn’t stop sipping it, usually savoring but I just couldn’t, it being so so good* *my eyes flick up to his as he asks me what I was in the mood for, floundering for an answer since I was so use to being on a routine and eating whatever the chef made, not often able to pick or choose for specific days, just knowing what was going to be made when I woke up* *I blink a few times as I stare at him, coming up short with an answer, my brows knitting together as he asks if he could surprise me, getting lost in his cheeky grin, never meeting a guy who was equal parts hot as fuck and adorable, him being such a question mark to me, unable to read him yet* I told you I don’t like surprises… *I bite my lip, my eyes still locked on his, shrugging after a few long moments* Make me your best dish. Your favorite dish to serve. *his smile was contagious, giving him a small shy smile in return before averting my gaze, looking down at my smoothie as if it was the most interesting thing in the world, twirling my straw around aimlessly* I should get to the gym…

___________________________________

*grins as you say that about Maddy, chuckling and shaking my head as I could tell you knew her well, smirking a little* I can neither confirm nor deny. *chuckles a little, there being a slight bit of playfulness and I was gonna take what I could get* *sees you’d finished the smoothie quickly, grinning happily as I take the cup and straw from you when you were done, pleased you seemed to enjoy it* *sees you were so surprised by my question, raising a brow in curiosity, wondering if your previous chefs had asked before and that being so weird to me if they hadn’t* *watches you as you stare at me in mild shock trying to think of something, my eyes flicking over the furrow of your brow, your bitten lip and letting my gaze drop over your body, even frowning you were captivating, not knowing how I’d stand looking at you all the time without being able to do anything* *blnks out of my thoughts as you say you don’t like surprises, smiling and nodding* I remember, curious that you didn’t think I’d ask your opinion though. For future, I’ll always want to know your opinion and what you think, the food is for you after all. I want to make sure you’d like it. *murmurs, offering you a genuine smile before my eyes light up at your challenge* Yeah? Dessert as well? *asks, excited by the idea and my mind already racing with ideas, glancing at the clock to see what I could work with* Sick, okay yeah. I can do that. Gonna blow your mind. *shoots you a playful wink, chuckling as I immediately grab my pen and paper, jotting down some ideas and brainstorming before looking up at you* Enjoy your workout, I’ll see you at 6. *smiles fondly, clearly happy in this role already, so drawn to you and impressing you*

[geralts-yenn]

Soooo, finally some words for the new chapter of my favorites. I know you are waiting for this, @raccoon-eyed-rebel 😘

"Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?" Charles scoffed. 

"That might just be why I've come to the conclusions I have come to, and you haven't."

You shared that bit of conversation already and I knew it's going to be funny but with context it's so much better. I love how Sherlock kills Charles' attitude with just one sentence 😁

"Perfect timing. We're in need of a tie-breaker," Marshall said. "What's sex?" 

"I feel someone should have told you that by now, Marshall..."

THIS is why i love him soooo much 😍 Mikey being Mikey 💕

"I'm with the side that says dicking a girl down isn't all there is to it." 

"Subtle," Marshall said. Apart from the obvious amusement at his wording, most people seemed surprised at the side Mike chose in the debate.

"Always," Mike replied with a big smile. "Besides, because I see you guys looking surprised, it's literally called 'oral sex'. I feel that that should say something." 

Look, he's not just dorky and funny, he's also smart (if he wants to be)

"Please keep talking, before one of them opens their mouth,"

These are the tiny little pieces that make 179cs so special. That small pieces of conversation that aren't necessarily needed for the story to work but add so much depth to the characters.

"None. I would sooner come to the conclusion that the concept of virginity is, to put it plainly - and pardon my French - fucking ridiculous, completely unnecessary and nothing other than a falsely attributed currency of virtue used as a tool to impose outdated patriarchal values and the notion of commodity on women while simultaneously serving to emasculate and ridicule men who haven't rid themselves of it soon enough by anyone's personal and completely arbitrary standards. As for the definition of sex… I genuinely don’t think I care."

THANK YOU, SHERLOCK! (or @raccoon-eyed-rebel because it's your words) this is so true and yet still not in most of our heads!

Something that came up in earlier reblogs: I don't think Charles and Leon are the bad guys here. In fact, they were convinced by Sherlock equally as Sy and this is impressive as they didn't really think he'd had a chance... But they are fair losers (even Charles)

"Hand the man his money," Sy said with a sigh. Napoleon pulled the cash out of his wallet and tossed it on the table while grinning widely. 

Charles shook his head in disbelief. “Bastard,” he muttered under his breath. The look on his face clearly showed he was impressed. 

Why is this so fucking cute? 😳

To her surprise - and perhaps everyone else’s - he pulled her into his lap.

“Do we have rabbits I don’t know about?” Mike ducked when he saw Marshall’s hand swinging for the back of his head, only to get hit by Geralt when he came back up.

"Now I feel sad Dani has nothing to apologize for." It was Mikey's signature tone, the one where you could just hear the grin seeping through. 

I'd find a reason to apologize to him if I were Dani 😁

I know it's getting repetitive but I really, really, really love the kitchen banters. Not only the guys, also the girls are all so wonderful characters and I love them to bits!

Can't wait for the girl's night and definitely can't wait for new years eve finally happening!

Part 17 - Definitions

Masterlist

Part 16 -- Part 18

Summary: A very important house meeting at 179th Crescent Street

Warnings: None! (Although this chapter does feature small people rage)

Word count: 3k

A/N: So this is a little different, I guess? Anyway... It's out there now. PSA: The 'wokeness' only goes so far as I reasonably assumed from a bunch of horny college dudes, okay?

@deandoesthingstome @geralts-yenn @summersong69 @peaches1958 @fvckinghenrycavill @keanureevesisbae

"Alright, mother Leon, you have the floor," Charles said as he lifted a beer to his lips. 

"Mike isn't here yet, should we wait?" Leon asked - they always asked. The reaction was no different this time than all the other times: laughter. 

"He'll get here when he gets here," Marshall said. They weren't mad about it - genuinely. Mike knew he was like this, he never asked them to wait, and he usually accepted whatever decision was made for the house in his absence. 

"On to our first - incredibly important - order of business." Leon's tone was such that Sherlock already sank back in his chair, looking embarrassed. "Sherlock, she stayed the night. Is the bet settled?" 

"Leon," Geralt warned. 

"I know you're in on that bet, Geralt, don't bother pretending," Sherlock muttered. 

"Oh, I'm not referring to the fact he brought it up," Geralt stated point blank, "he was just planning on being a dick about it. He shouldn't." His next glance in Leon's - and Charles' - direction was a warning shot. 

"Ah," Sherlock replied, "well. In any case, I don't know if it's settled. Personally, I find myself hung up on definitions." 

"'Are you still a virgin?' sounds simple enough, right?" Sy asked, looking amused and confused at the same time.

"On the surface, yes," Sherlock mused. In between sentences he wondered why it was so difficult for him to discuss the emotional side of these things, yet so incredibly simple to argue the semantics. Geralt looked amused by the turn this conversation was taking, as did Marshall and August. "I simply cannot accept the definition of the word 'virgin' as 'someone who has not had sex'." 

"Well, what's the problem, then?" Charles demanded. 

"The first problem with it would be the definition of the word 'sex'." 

"Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?" Charles scoffed. 

"That might just be why I've come to the conclusions I have come to, and you haven't." It wasn’t much like Sherlock to say things like that, but the others had noticed the growing animosity between him and Charles, and they’d all been waiting for it to come to a head. 

"Are you calling me daft, Holmes?"

"I'm surprised you managed to work that out, Brandon." That was certainly enough to piss off Charles - thoroughly. He opened his mouth to say something when August put a hand on his shoulder. 

"I'm going to recommend backing off, Charles," he said with a smirk on his face that clearly showed he was impressed with Sherlock, "when it comes to a battle of wits, Sherlock has all of us outgunned." Sherlock nodded at him, appreciative of the acknowledgment - and the help in keeping Charles' fists away from his face. Charles didn't have a terrible temper, but he was generally a sore loser, which made him unpredictable at times. 

"The question?" Leon said to bring them back to the conversation. 

"Right," Charles said, "the widely accepted definition would be... How do I put this?" They all knew what he meant, but this was a particularly uncomfortable one to say out loud. You bet they were going to make him. They waited nearly half a minute before Geralt had had enough. 

"For god's sake, man, are you twelve? The widely accepted definition would be 'penis in vagina'. That's what you're trying to say, right?"

"Yes," Charles answered curtly. 

"I don't think I agree with that definition, either." Sherlock said. 

"You can't just disagree with definitions because they don't suit you, Holmes."

"I disagree with them because they make no sense, Solo."

"I have to say I'm with Sherlock on this one," August said. Marshall and Geralt nodded in agreement. Charles, Leon and Sy formed the other side. 

"Sorry I'm late!" Mike stepped into the kitchen with his coat still on. 

"Perfect timing. We're in need of a tie-breaker," Marshall said. "What's sex?" 

"I feel someone should have told you that by now, Marshall..."

"Very funny, we're serious. It's a fifty-fifty split on the…” Now it was Marshall’s turn to feel flustered over having to say that. Luckily,  Geralt wasn’t prepared to wait around for another thirty seconds, and offered up the same description he had before. 

“Yeah, well… that,” Marshall continued, “versus 'not quite sure, but not just that', what do you say?" 

"I say; give a man some time to step inside the goddamn house before hitting him with your little existential crisis."

"Mike," August laughed, "answer the damn question." 

"I'm with the side that says dicking a girl down isn't all there is to it." 

"Subtle," Marshall said. Apart from the obvious amusement at his wording, most people seemed surprised at the side Mike chose in the debate.

"Always," Mike replied with a big smile. "Besides, because I see you guys looking surprised, it's literally called 'oral sex'. I feel that that should say something." 

"Thank you, Mike." Sherlock grinned.

"Alright, but I'm gonna need a better argument. Exactly how does the traditional definition not make sense?" Sy weighed in. 

"I don't need to convince you," Sherlock said. 

"Let's make it interesting," Charles chimed in, "sway any of us three, you win the bet yourself?" He looked at the others, who all agreed to the idea. Sherlock needed to consider it only for a moment. With the seven of them in on it, that was quite a bit of money. 

"Alright, first off, by that definition, lesbians can't have sex. Typically. Neither can gay men. Again, typically."

"Correct," Charles replied, "but has it somehow escaped your attention that you are neither a gay man nor a lesbian?" 

"It hasn't, thank you for your concern, but the fact of the matter is that the definition of ‘sex’ we have established as ‘widely accepted’ functions only where heterosexual relationships are concerned. Now I would personally find it preposterous to propose that physical intimacy can only be considered sex in situations involving a cisgender woman and a cisgender man, and to suggest that any physical intimacy that does not fit the aforementioned heteronormative definition is a ‘different kind’ of sex would be a particularly outdated take on the matter. 

“If one wishes so desperately to warp the definition of sex in such a way that it encompasses all kinds of physical intimacy that could possibly be defined as sex, in any and all possible configurations of relationships, it quickly becomes a matter of where you draw the line. The argument of oral sex that Mike pointed out earlier, really makes itself. And even then, why would that be the threshold? 

"And lastly I..." There was a short silence as Sherlock tried to come up with the words he needed to express the thought he was having. 

"Please keep talking, before one of them opens their mouth," August said. Much like Geralt, he'd been enjoying watching Charles and Leon get obliterated by Sherlock's solid logic. 

"I refuse to think of the things that don't fit the traditional definition of the word as 'other' or 'less than', because it would discredit the experience and everything surrounding it, and I cannot bring myself to do that." His voice was soft as he said it, and he couldn't seem to peel his gaze away from his hands, which rested in his lap. He noticed his fingers trembled slightly, though he couldn’t say he was so nervous that it was to be expected. 

“All things considered, one might come to the conclusion that there is something inherently flawed about any concept that depends so heavily on the definition of something that is so exceptionally difficult to define.” 

"So," Leon asked curiously, "what definitions would you suggest, instead?"

"None. I would sooner come to the conclusion that the concept of virginity is, to put it plainly - and pardon my French - fucking ridiculous, completely unnecessary and nothing other than a falsely attributed currency of virtue used as a tool to impose outdated patriarchal values and the notion of commodity on women while simultaneously serving to emasculate and ridicule men who haven't rid themselves of it soon enough by anyone's personal and completely arbitrary standards. As for the definition of sex… I genuinely don’t think I care." 

"Hand the man his money," Sy said with a sigh. Napoleon pulled the cash out of his wallet and tossed it on the table while grinning widely. 

Charles shook his head in disbelief. “Bastard,” he muttered under his breath. The look on his face clearly showed he was impressed. 

“Charles, I’d like for you to take a moment to consider the following: In what universe was it a good idea to make a bet that depends heavily on the other person’s ability to present a logical argument,” August said, “with the genius law and philosophy student?” His tone was amused and only slightly derisive.  

“Now that this is settled,” Napoleon continued, “we have serious matters to discu-” He was interrupted by the door opening and a whole lot of noise in the hall. 

“What are the girls doing here?” Charles asked. 

“We were already here.” Elena appeared in the doorway. “Because, as Leon so kindly pointed out, I did spend the night here. Nice speech, by the way, Sherlock.” She walked around the table and stood next to him, an arm around her shoulder. To her surprise - and perhaps everyone else’s - he pulled her into his lap. 

“And so did we.” Anjelica looked over her shoulder to Danielle and Solveig, who were laughing about a joke she hadn’t heard. “We went out to get some groceries.” 

‘Some groceries’ was apparently a new way to describe three whole bags, completely full of food. 

“Do we have rabbits I don’t know about?” Mike ducked when he saw Marshall’s hand swinging for the back of his head, only to get hit by Geralt when he came back up. “Guys, come on, that’s more vegetables than we’ve seen in this house in at least a year!” 

“The three of us,” Solveig gestured to Ange, Dani and herself, “talked about cooking for our guys yesterday, so we asked Elena to join, and she was on board.” 

“But we figured we couldn’t punish the rest of the house for being single, so we’ll feed all of you, if you ask nicely.” Dani leaned her head against Charles’ shoulder and then gave him a sweet smile. He shot a suggestive look in Mike’s direction just to get a rise out of him, but Mikey was Mikey, and therefore wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings at all. Not the part he should have been paying attention to, at least.

“Free food, and I don’t gotta make it?” Sy said with a massive grin on his face. “Count me in!” The other three didn’t complain, either. 

Leon called for everyone’s attention again, and this time he wasn’t interrupted by everyone and everything, which was nice. The plan itself was simple: New Year’s party. 

“You’re not planning a party two days in advance?” Dani looked like her head was going to explode. That was just not possible… The other girls seemed to agree. 

“Worry not, ladies,” Charles interrupted. He put an arm around Solveig’s shoulder, but a simple look from Geralt told him that if he wanted to keep all the equipment he planned on using during that party he was planning, he’d better stop touching his girl. Charles and Leon talked everyone through the plans they’d been making for weeks. As it turns out, the girls didn’t know about this thing, because the guys had just not told them. Mike couldn’t use the others’ excuse that it didn’t come up, and had to go with the truth that he’d simply forgotten to mention it when he and Dani had discussed it. Luckily, Sloane and Ari were on board - especially now that the guys they’d been going out with had made different plans, involving different girls. Even through text, Slo couldn’t exactly hide her excitement about the fact that she was: A. Finally getting to meet Mike, whom Dani had hidden from them purposely and quite successfully, and B. getting to meet the others in the house, first and foremost: Sy. 

The girls chased everyone out of the kitchen when it was a little past two. Cooking for a grand total of twelve people was a massive chore in and of itself, that always took longer than initially expected, and some of these guys got serious attitudes when they weren’t properly fed on time. And ‘some of these guys’ could definitely be interpreted as ‘all of them’. They figured it was probably best to start early. 

“Geralt, if you do not get out of this kitchen at once, I’m not responsible for what happens!” It was a very intimidating thing to hear from the nearly 6ft. tall Scandinavian, especially since she was holding a very sharp knife. 

“Just came to check on you,” Geralt said. He was actually brave enough to walk up to her and wrap his arms around her. “If now were the time for jokes, I’d say something about your cooking skills making you wife material.”

“Ah, I see,” Sol snapped, “and in response to that, I wouldn’t laugh, and I’d tell you to cook for me sometime. So I can see if you’re husband material. Now, get out.”

“Do I need to fetch you some painkillers?” She responded with a nod and a ‘yes’ in the softest voice. 

“There’s some in my bag,” Ange said, saving Geralt a trip upstairs before kicking him out of the kitchen herself. They continued working on dinner, hoping none of the other guys would decide to come sneak a peek at dinner. 

"Period?" Elena asked Sol casually while cutting a whole load of tomatoes. Mike could just about have been right when he made his rabbit joke.

"From hell," Sol confirmed as she took the pills from Ange, "and he always knows, and he's so sweet about it, but I just yell at him." 

"Blowjobs make for fantastic apologies," Ange said and both she and Sol laughed. 

"Now I feel sad Dani has nothing to apologize for." It was Mikey's signature tone, the one where you could just hear the grin seeping through. 

“Mike! Leave!” Anjelica was scary - all 4’11” of her. 

"Drink and hug, then I'm gone," he said as he wrapped his arms around Dani, who had been tasked with peeling and mincing enough garlic to fend off a small army of vampires. 

"Hi," Dani said before turning her head for a quick kiss, "go grab a drink." She really wanted to finish this task with the same amount of fingers she'd started with. 

"Thank you," Mike said suddenly, "I've never had a girlfriend cook for me before. It's nice." He grabbed a beer from the fridge and disappeared. 

"He is so cute," Elena said. 

"Hey!" Of course Sherlock walked in at exactly that moment. Ange was just about boiling over with rage at this point. 

"Out! Holmes, get out! God is there no place where a couple of girls can talk without being interrupted every twenty-five seconds?" 

"I thin women fought long and hard for years just to make it so that the kitchen was no longer that place," August answered as he stepped into the kitchen. Funnily enough, Anjelica's anger disappeared miraculously. 

"Hey baby," she said with a sweet smile as August walked over to her. 

"Aren't you supposed to try and scare me out of your kitchen?" He sounded amused, which was an interesting new mood for most of the girls to experience. 

"August, darling," Anjelica said sweetly, "did I mention I used the money my parents gave me for Christmas to treat myself to a new set of lingerie?" Sherlock almost choked on the piece of bell pepper he had stolen from the container next to Elena's cutting board, which caused her to elbow him in the ribs.

"You didn't," August answered, clearly not liking where this was going. 

"Well you won't get to see it if you don't fuck off." 

"Simple but effective," August said before giving her a quick kiss and walking away. 

"If all of you don't fuck off, August." 

"Holmes get the fuck out of that kitchen," August yelled, and then he turned his attention to Sy, who was apparently also on his way to the kitchen: "Syverson, don't even think about it." The boys laughed - and so did the girls. 

"We need a girl's night," Dani said impulsively. She shocked herself; she wasn't usually so outgoing, and she was very glad that the others were quick to agree. 

"I live with mostly guys, and three of them are on teams with guys from here," Ange said, "my place is out." 

"I couldn't fit all of us in my room if I tried," Elena added.

"I don't even have the keys to my place yet," Sol said with a smile. Something told the others that she would be a bit uncomfortable having the three of them over, too. Not that the others were any better acquainted.

"Well, Ari and Slo wouldn't mind having everyone over at ours, and I'm pretty sure after the party we'll have intel on most of the house…" Dani grinned. 

"Marshall, Leon, Charles and Sy are missing, right?" Anjelica's tone was devious. Heat rose to Dani's cheeks.

"Marshall, Leon and Charles," she corrected. The others looked at her wide-eyed. 

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Solveig whispered. 

"I-" Dani started, but she was quickly interrupted by Charles. 

"OUT!" All four of them yelled at the same time, which had the desired effect and terrified Charles as a lovely bonus. 

"I'm making a group chat now," Anjelica said with another curious glance in Dani's direction, "girl's night is on." 

[bigoltrashpile]

(If you are still doing this) Q1 or Q2 (which ever gets the brain brrring) with butch

I'll go with Q2, since I got another request for Q1 and both of them make the brain brrrrr pretty equally lol

Why the fuck was this skeleton staring at you?

He had been sitting at the table across from yours for the entire time you had been eating at your favorite little diner, and you were sure his eyes hadn't left you the entire time. It might be a coincidence, though. You were on a blind date after all, and you didn't want to insult them by looking at someone else the whole time. Maybe he just happened to look at you every time you glanced over?

Fat chance.

Finally, you couldn't take it anymore. "This has been really nice," you said to your date. It was a big lie, they had been talking about themself the entire time. "But I really need to get going."

Thankfully, they nodded. "Alright. Call me back sometime? We can do this again next week, maybe go bowling?"

"Sure, sure." You would say anything you needed to get away from that skeleton at this point. "I'll see you soon."

You walked through the darkened parking lot as fast as you could, desperate to get home to the perceived safety of your home. As you did, you didn't notice the bright red eyelights watching you from the shadows.

When you got home, you shut and locked all the doors and windows, unable to shake the feeling of being watched. At least you were safe now....right?

You woke up the next morning feeling a lot calmer. Of course you had been overreacting, it was probably just a monster thing, or a weird miscommunication. After all, the skeleton had been dressed in a three piece suit at a small family diner, so he was probably just weird.

As you went about your morning routine, you were surprised to find a package outside your front door. Weird. You weren't expecting anything. Maybe it was for one of your neighbors?

Curious, you checked the name on the package. Oh, it was for you! You took it inside, practically sprinting to the kitchen to find a knife or a pair of scissors to open it.

As you fumbled with the scissors, you vaguely noted in the back of your mind that there was no postage or address, just your name written in...was that comic sans? Weird. That just made you even more curious!

You finally managed to get the box open and-

Oh my god.

It was a head.

The severed head of your date.

You stumbled backwards, unable to breathe, to think, to scream, anything. There was. A head. On your kitchen table.

You were only able to react when you ran right into someone's chest. A loud scream tore from your throat, only to be cut short by a large hand covering your mouth.

A skeletal hand.

"shhhh, no need for that, doll," a rough voice purred. "s'just a lil gift~"

You managed to look up, your heart sinking when you saw who it was. It was the same skeleton from last night, the one who had been watching you. The red lights in his eyesockets bored into you, strangely heart shaped now.

"don't scream now doll, or i'll have to take...drastic measures." The skeleton's eyes darted to the box on the table. "i just wanna chat."

He finally let go, and you immediately scrambled to get away. "W-who are you? What do you want from me?"

"like i said," he shrugged, way too casual for someone who had just delivered a severed head and broken into your house. "just givin' ya a lil gift. ya deserve to be treated better than that piece of shit could treat ya."

"I'm going to tell the police," you threatened, scrambling for your phone. "I've seen your face, you won't get away with this!"

The skeleton didn't even seem bothered. "well, i guess it pays to have friends in high places. really helps ya get a-head in life. they can't do shit to me."

As he spoke, you started to shake. This guy could do anything he wanted to you, and nobody would care, or even punish him for it! "Please...don't hurt me."

"heh, looks like you'll have to come with me then, y/n." How did he know your name? "you're mine now."

"But...you don't even know me!" you argued. "What do you want from me?"

"heheheh," he laughed even harder. "i know ya, kitten. ya just don't know me." In a blink, he was on you, pinning you to the wall. "the name's butch, but from now on, just call me your husband~"

[yikimiki]

Please more Reiner and size kinkkkkkkk

SAY NO MORE!!! I actually got really carried away with this one because Reiner with a size kink just makes me go insane

jock!reiner x fem!reader | warnings: smut, size kink, dirty talk, rough sex, semi-public, unprotected sex, college au, praise kink, creampie, breeding kink

♡ ♡ ♡

In his defense, Reiner warned you. You just decided not to take him seriously.

Could you blame yourself? Not really, not when a lot of guys like to play up their sizes to get people interested. In your blissful innocence, you thought that Reiner, local dumbass and above average quarterback, was doing the same when he told you like three times that he might have to prepare you a little longer. In your lustful and incredulous haze, you only rolled your eyes, pulling him closer and moaning once your mouths collided back into a heated kiss.

Party hook-ups were never your go-to, but these are different times. Tonight, after a huge back and forth between the two of you, the bubble of sexual tension finally exploded when you straddled his meaty tights, making out with him on the sofa. It wasn’t long before Reiner was panting and groaning, the imprint of his hard cock poking your inner tight, and even less time until he was practically begging to take you somewhere private.

Which leads you here: with your legs spread open, panties hanging on one ankle and skirt pulled up to reveal your soaked pussy. Your ass is pressed against the cold marble of the bathroom sink and your eager eyes are watching as Reiner finally pulls his pants down, dragging his underwear down with it.

Oh. That’s gonna be an issue.

“Oh my god,” you breathe out, feeling both aroused and terrified at once. Reiner takes one hand to pump his cock, which his for sure the biggest you’ve ever seen. He’s thick and long, with a bright red tip and thick veins standing out. His balls are equally huge, heavy and loaded as he takes a step towards you. “Reiner, you’re so big.”

He scoffs, thumb circling his tip, where a fat bead of precum started to drip. “Sure you don’t want more prep?” He asks and, in a suicidal decision, you shake your head no. You’re being stupid for the second time tonight, but, now, it’s on purpose. As much as you think there’s no way in hell you’ll be able to take him inside, you want to feel the stretch of every single inch Reiner has to give you. He raises one eyebrow. “Sure about that?”

Tentatively, you curl one hand around his member, gasping once you notice you can’t even hold him all the way around. Reiner sees it too, hissing at the image. “I’m sure,” you say. “I wanna try.”

He takes another step towards you, large hands separating your thighs before he yanks you closer by the waist. You yelp at the movement, growing even wetter at his strength. “You sure you can take my cock, baby?” The pet name makes your toes curl, the vibrato of his voice now so much closer to you. Now that Reiner is standing tall before you, you come to terms with the fact that he’s huge all around — strong, defined muscles, tall, broad shoulders. He could break you in half if he wanted to. “Pussy looks so fucking tiny. I doubt I’ll fit.”

You gasp when two of his fingers spread your pussy lips apart. You hold his cock tighter, earning a groan from him. “Please, make it fit,” you almost sob. You never needed something so much in your life. “I can take whatever you give me, please.”

That seems to be enough for Reiner. He takes your hand away from his cock and lines his tip with your soaked entrance, rubbing himself up and down to catch more of your arousal. You are moaning at that feeling alone, entire body expecting for the moment that he finally enters you.

“Ready?” He asks. You nod, placing your hands on his shoulders. “Gonna go slow. But I can’t promise I’ll hold back later.”

“Okay,” you say.

The tip of his cock presses tightly against your entrance, intruding past the ring of muscle. Reiner growls against your ear at the feeling of your tiny pussy clenching around him, almost pushing him out. “You have to relax for me, baby,” he asks.

“I-I’m sorry,” you hiccup. “It’s just— you’re so big, so big.”

“Shhh, I know, baby, I know.” Reiner kisses your temple, then presses forward once again. You cry out his name as his huge length splits you open, feeling like you’re about to cum from his size alone. By the time that he bottoms out — how, you have no idea — you’re crying out in pain and pleasure, nails digging into his large biceps as he waits for you to get used to it. “Fuck, baby,” Reiner moans. “You’re way too fucking tight. Pussy’s just sucking me in.”

“M-move, please,” you beg. “Please, Reiner.”

You don’t have to ask twice. Reiner is slamming his hips against yours in no time, pace getting faster and faster until you’re practically bouncing on the bathroom sink, tits moving up and down with the force of his thrusts. You just feel so small caged by his strong arms; the animalistic glint in his eyes making you feel like he’s about to eat you whole. Still, you can’t think much further than that, not with his huge cock fucking you dumb, brushing against every single sweet spot you have.

“G-God, you’re such a good girl,” Reiner hisses, one arm circling your waist so he can change the angle of his thrusts. “You’re taking my fat cock so fucking well, this tight little pussy is not even letting me slip out.” His cock throbs inside you as he says that, and some part of your fucked-out brain realizes that he must like the size difference just as much as you. “Tell me you like it, baby, tell me.”

“I love it,” you moan, throwing your head back. Reiner is attacking your neck in no time, deep voice vibrating against your jugular as your walls start to clamp around him. Your next words are a complete disconnected mess because of your orgasm, but every single one is like music to his ears. “R-Reiner, your cock’s s-so huge, so big, can’t take it— too much, it’s too much, I can’t...”

“Cum for me. You’re gonna be a good girl and gonna take every fucking inch of this cock,” he orders. You do both — walls spasming around his girth as your high washes over you, calling out his name again and again as if there aren’t hundreds of people just outside the bathroom door. But you don’t care, not when Reiner keeps using your pussy as his favorite toy, moaning and cursing as his own high approaches. “Tell me I can cum inside you,” he practically begs. “Tell me I can breed this pussy.”

You nod, still drunk off the pleasure. “Yes, please, fill me up, Reiner, please.”

His hand is on the back of your neck before you can think, pulling you into a kiss that is all teeth and tongue. “Gonna give you every drop of my cum, baby,” Reiner promises. “Gonna fill you up until your pussy is dripping.”

This time, you’re smart enough to believe his warnings. Reiner cums soon after — and he cums a lot. Wave after wave of white shoots out of his cock, his hands holding onto your hips so tightly you just know it’ll be sore in the morning. You’re stuttering out his name as another small orgasm rushes through your body, enough to push out his cum before he’s even done with it, dripping down the sides of his cock and onto the floor. With his size and his release, you feel as full as you can get, bliss overtaking your body as he finally pulls away.

“What a mess,” you giggle, looking down between your legs.

Reiner agrees with a chuckle, leaning in to place a soft kiss against your lips. “You did so well,” he praises and you feel yourself melt. “Mind if I call you one of these days?”